Three Levels of Relationship

profmag November 10, 2021
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I use this framework a lot to talk about all types of relationships: marriage, friendship, spirituality, etc. It can help to clarify what’s happening in a relationship and how to build on one level to reach deeper levels.

1. Law

When people have proximity but do not know or trust each other, they relate on the level of law: rules which are formal or informal, but that do not require the revelation of individual interests.

2. Negotiation

When people have proximity and begin to know and trust each other, but must represent their own interests, they relate on the level of negotiation: a competitive give-and-take or compromise.

3. Intimacy

When people know each other so well, their proximity becomes internal — you in me and me in you — so that they represent the other person’s interests as much as their own, they relate on the level of intimacy.

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