[4] Secure Attachment
Secure Attachment adapts Daniel Siegel’s 4 S’s of Showing Up framework for secure attachments in parenting to the [4] The Quad Frame of the Semantic Ontology Framework (SOF). Siegel’s 4 S’s — safe, seen, soothe, secure — are a progressive framework for how high emotion, especially negative emotion with the potential to form a “toxic rupture”, can be handled in a healthy way so that children learn to internal as process that will eventually allow them to self-regulate.
1. Safety
- Parent protects your child from outward harm.
- The parent tries their best not to be the source of fear or disorientation.
2. Seen
- Parent sees the child’s mind (mindsight): the inner subjective experience.
- The parent puts language to what they observe in the child (reflective dialogs).
3. Soothed
- Parent is open and accepting to the full spectrum of what the child is feeling to say, “whatever you feel is ok.”
- The parent stays connected until the child’s physicality says it really is ok. This internalizes compassion.
4. Security
- The child has internalized a mental model or schema that believes itself secure, knowing that problems and situations can be repaired.
- The child has resilience and relational connection because they believe they can share themselves and work with others.
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My first work with this is captured in the post The 4 S’s of Showing Up, which includes a podcast of Dan Siegel articulating the science behind the framework.